I’ve been filled with inexplicable anxiety since the start of the new year. My life is not exactly where I want it to be, but I’m not sure what to do to get there. Whatever that means. It’s the journey, not the destination, right? Still, my head keeps telling me I’m getting older, and pretty soon I won’t be able to slide by on what I plan to do in the future. I keep wondering whether this is just a passing mood or the start of something I can’t ignore. That thought makes everything feel urgent.

Perhaps I need to embrace the fact that I’m not one of those lucky people whose fortunes line up at appropriate times. Their timelines look smooth and efficient, while mine looks more like a faulty engine. I graduated, took the first job I could get, broke up with a boyfriend, moved states, got laid off, job-hopped, and dated lots of guys to learn what I didn’t want. I’ve spent a lot of time comparing my path to other people’s, and that never seems to help.

I’m not a cynic. I’m just wondering how some people manage to have such easy choices presented to them, while the rest of us seem to be living in some alternate-timing universe. I know that I am capable of having good things. My life has been erratic, but it’s also been rich, unexpected, and full of good stories and friends. Sometimes the detours teach more than the plans ever could. That kind of life may not look polished, but it has its own rewards.

Would you rather have the easy, secure timeline if you were assured of marriage, a well-paying job, and the usual milestones? Or do you prefer to be surprised by life and take your chances, knowing your timeline will not look like everyone else’s? There is comfort in certainty, but there is also freedom in unpredictability. Maybe the real question is whether a neat life is better than a meaningful one. Sometimes the life that looks off-track is the one that gives you more to remember.